Baikal has been sick with a cold since Monday. The only time she isn't fussy is when she is feeding or sleeping. Courtney came over last night and helped try to calm her down while Matt and I took a break. What a nice sister!
Also we had a tasty dinner provided by the Frilingos family. It was great to see Paul Thomas and how much he has grown! Beth said that he weighs in at a great 14 lbs. Wonderful!
Today is a heavy day. Aside from Baikal's cold, I have received news that my father-in-law's dog had to be put to sleep, one of my friend's dog had to be put to sleep, and that my grandmother in Florida has been admitted to hospice. My grandmother has been in assisted living for some time, but her health seems to be declining more rapidly recently. The doctor also found a large blood clot in her leg yesterday. It is a heavy day.
Someone recently asked me if I was scared when the doctor told me that I had to have the c-section. My response was "not at all." After 38 hours of pain (remember that they had to wait for the lab work to give me my epidural) and uncertainty (was I dilated enough?, was the baby doing OK?, were the contractions ever going to move from my back to my abdomen?!?) when the doctor said that it was time for a c-section my reaction was, "Let's do it so that my labor can end and I can see my baby." I trusted that my doctor was doing what was best and that when it was all over, it would be wonderful.
The c-section wasn't a walk in the breeze. I was shaking uncontrollably due to the pain medication and was restrained to keep me still. I was conscious of the sounds and smells of the room. When a nurse noticed a rash that had developed on my neck after the anesthesia was administered, I still wasn't worried even though she was. I was made to drink a liquid that prevented the vomit that kept rising from my stomach and into my mouth, from damaging my throat. I could only turn my head to the left or right to allow the spit to drain from my mouth. Looking back on it now, I should have been scared. It was a scary thing. Of course I was on some powerful drugs, so that probably numbed my reaction. But most of all, I was ready to stop being in pain and I trusted the people that were taking care of me.
I hold on to this thought when reflecting on my heavy day. For those of you who are dealing with a loved one who is suffering or in pain, I can only say that in my recent experience, to no longer be in pain or to no longer dwell in the uncertainty of my labor was a wonderful gift and I am so thankful for those that allowed it to end.
